Heartbroken

We have been through a whirlwind couple of weeks. Two weeks ago, we had an amazing experience, a miracle really, happen when someone wanted to buy our home. I am not in the mood to tell about the miracle, someday soon maybe. The people that wanted to buy our home wanted to do a lease to purchase deal, where they would rent from us for a couple of years, then purchase the home then. We agreed, it felt right and the timing was perfect for us to go to Utah together. Then we started negotiations of the terms, such as the amount down, monthly rent, and length of the term. They asked for some unrealistic things, and Jason and I felt we were being very realistic. In the end, we couldn't agree, and we lost the deal. When we got the offer, we started negotiations on a home in Utah. Since we were hononring a lease to purchase on our home, that meant we needed someone who would do the same for us in Utah. We found a home willing to work with us, but we lost that as well due to the loss of our offer.

I cried for a while, and am trying to remain positive now. What really hurts is that we thought this was our miracle, our kids thought it was, and it didn't work out.

I am fighting despair, but really am feeling at the end of my rope. Jason starts in Utah next week, and will be traveling home on the weekends. I knew this was a possibility, but since we almost were able to go down together, only to have it whisked out from under us, his being gone seems worse now, somehow.

I know things will work out the way they are supposed to, and I know this post sounds horribly negative. I don't feel like this all the time, just in moments. It seems that the moments are getting to be more numerous, however, and I hope there is an end in sight for us.

I know of families who have had to do what we are going to do for many months. We will get through it and be ok, and I'm sure that when we look back, we will see our growth and learning from it.

I am just feeling like we lost something precious, something we may not get the chance to get again. Like our chance to be together and get into a home down there is gone, and what happens next may not be as good as it could have been if this had worked out.


So that is our update. We would appreciate any prayers on our behalf, and for those of you who have been praying for us, thank you. If there is anything I can do for anybody, PLEASE let me know; I would love to get out of my own troubles for a while and serve.

Sad, sad, sad

Our computer isn't working, I can't get online. I am doing this at work! I want to post about Corrine's 2nd birthday, Payden's 10th, our camping trip, and lots of other cute things, but it will have to wait. We still haven't had an offer on our house, but are remaining faithful that it will happen. We are actually going to look at houses soon as a leap of faith. So, until we get a new computer, (don't hold your breath!) it will be periodic posts from my office, sans pictures. I miss commented on all your blogs; Stacey congrats on Miles, he is adorable! I LOVE the pictures of you guys, you both look fantastic. I sometimes try to leave a comment with my Ipod, but it is tedious and if I push one wrong button, I lose it. If I have extra time at work, I will try to comment. But I have been reading all your blogs!

You have WHAT?

I just read something on another blog that reminded me about this. Michaela is a serious hypochondriac. She is forever thinking she is getting sick, or worried that she will get what someone else has. She did this even on our Disneyland vacation, so I started teasing her about the fact that I "thought" I was getting sick.

I know, terribly sensitive, but I was sick of it and wanted to point out how silly she was being.

We were in line for a ride, of course in close proximity to other people. I started talking about how I didn't feel good, thought I might be getting sick, etc. My mom caught on, and started doing the same thing.

It was working, and Michaela was backing away, looking concerned.

I decided to go extreme and then talk to her about what I was doing so she could be aware of her reaction, so I said, maybe a little to loud:

" I have this rash. It itches a little and I think it might be a flesh eating disease."

At this point, the lady in front of us whips around and her eyes pop out and she says "WHAT?"
She had probably been listening to our conversation for a while, and decided that definately now was the time to speak up.

I laughed (unhelpfully) and said I was kidding, I was just teasing my daughter. No flesh eating disease here (Although, really, what was she worried about? She was in FRONT of us. Really, the people behind us should have been more concerned.)

I am sure she went on with her day, comforted by the fact that a women would tease her daughter that way.

At least I didn't really have some communicable flesh eating disease.

And my plan? Totally didn't work anyway. Michaela still carried on being a hypochondriac.

Pancake Friday

Today we had raspberry chocolate chip pancakes, with almond extract. Very yummy. I like to put my berries in with the batter, even though it makes the pancakes purple! I like to have bits of berries throughout the pancake. If you wan't your berries un mangled, sprinkle them on after you have poured the batter on the gridle. This is what I do with nuts and chocolate chips. Otherwise, all your heavy items like chips and nuts are at the bottom. Plus this way you can make sure they are evenly spaced on your pancakes and all have the same amount.

My "mental note" is broken

I used to be able to remember just about everything. I didn't need to make lists, or write myself notes, or even write things on the calendar. My mind was like a steel trap; nothing got away from it.



I have noticed a few changes as I get older.



I used to be able to go the the grocery store WITHOUT A LIST and come home with everything I needed. Now, if it is on my list, I forget it. No matter how many times I remind myself not to forget it. And if I leave my list at home, forget it. In the past few years, I used to be able to recall 90% of what was on the list, but now its a whole nother story. ( Do you ever realize that sometimes we say things that just don't look right in written form? Whole nother story? I am really rednecking it now.)





Don't mind the brief pause, I am trying to remember my other ideas for this post....















Oh yeah. Lately I find that if I don't write everything on the calendar, I forget or double schedule things. Sometimes I don't even realize the double scheduling problem until I am on my way someplace and I start to wonder, how am I going to do both? Huh.



I used to be able to make a "mental note" about something, and hold on to it forever. For instance, I would see something that needed to be done, note it in my mind, and there it would stay until said task was gotten to. Now, I try to make mental notes, but just get frustrated knowing that I should be remembering SOMETHING, but I can't remember what I was supposed to be remembering.



I have been told that as long as you realize you forgot that you were supposed to be remembering something, even if you can't remember what that something was, your ok. It's not dementia or alzhiemers. Somehow that isn't all that comforting.



Am I that close to alzhiemers?



I can't count on my memory to work like it used to, and that is sad. I am reduced to writing lists and hoping that I can remember where I put them.



And putting something in a "safe place" so I won't forget it? Yeah. Years ago, I would never forget where I put something for safekeeping. I could go years and still know where things were.



That is how I misplaced my mom's camera card. I know it is safe someplace. I just don't know where someplace is.

Random cuteness

If you ever need an entertaining activity for your little ones ( or not so little, Michaela enjoyed this as well), get a dollar store can of shaving cream. I use this for cleaning sometimes, I have found that it works well on granite; it is gentle, but gets the hairspray film of nicely. This week, I put it on the counter and let the girls smear it in. Total joy. They wanted to play long after I was ready to finish cleaning the bathroom, so I moved them to my kitchen table and let them at it. They played with that stuff for about an hour, and would have played longer if I had let them. I have clear vinyl covering my kitchen table, so it was ok. I know that sounds weird, but trust me, best idea EVER.

Here is Ava, my little worm collector. She loves finding worms, rolly pollys, lady bugs.

I had to take a picture, gross as it is. I knew there will come a day when she doesn't believe she ever did this.

Corrine comes out of her bedroom the other night looking like a penguin. Daddy was afraid to pull her tight top over her head in case he hurt her.

It was so funny. She looks like a penguin, and something else I can't put my finger on. What does it remind you of?

Pancake Friday

For a while, a couple of years at least, we have had the tradition of having pancakes every Friday. Friday just seems to be the day when I have enough time to make (and clean up after) pancakes. For a time, I just made regular old pancakes, which were yummy, but I started to get bored with them. I just use an add water pancake mix, but now I try to get creative with them by adding things. Today's was yummy; strawberry mint pancakes. I used some whipped strawberry cream cheese, vanilla extract, and some fresh mint I had, one large leaf. I wondered if the mint would be good, but I figured if they were gross it wouldn't take long to mix up some more mint free pancakes. But they were sooooo good! Some of the other yummy ones we have had:



Key lime pancakes, I added key lime yogurt, lime juice, lime zest, and coconut.



Peach almond pancakes, I added canned peaches and almond extract.



Pecans, coconut, vanilla extract.



Apples, apple sauce, cinnamon.



Bananas, vanilla, walnuts.



Orange juice, orange zest, and nuts.



I know there have been others, but that is all I can think of right now. I thought that from now on, I would post what kind of pancakes I made that Friday. We'll see if I can remember!